


The Love We've Lost

by rosepetalsinwinter



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4450046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosepetalsinwinter/pseuds/rosepetalsinwinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of this Tumblr prompt:<br/>"Someone give me a fic where Carmilla’s pushing really does send Laura away."</p>
<p>Laura leaves Silas and Carmilla, saying that it was all too much. She just couldn't handle it. The minute after her departure, the campus erupts into chaos, and Carmilla realizes that it wasn't her who was the hero. It was Laura. </p>
<p>When the dust settles, Carmilla goes to find Laura; to tell her that she was wrong. The campus needed her. But when the door swings open, Laura Hollis stares at Carmilla Karnstein and asks, "Who the hell are you?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the full prompt:
> 
> Someone give me a fic where Carmilla’s pushing really does send Laura away.
> 
> Where Laura leaves with only a note saying she can’t handle it anymore. That it hurts too much.
> 
> Where the campus erupts into chaos after she leaves.
> 
> Where Carmilla watches as students die and she suddenly feels that spark of remorse, that desire to save them just like El made her want to save the sacrifices in the past.
> 
> Where Carmilla tries to contact Laura, tries to get her to come back and tell her how they can save everyone, but Laura has disappeared; her Twitter, Tumblr, phone number all deleted and disconnected.
> 
> (Where Carmilla wonders if Laura existed at all.)
> 
> Where Carmilla and Laura’s friends struggle to save who they can as the university sinks.
> 
> Where there are more casualties than living. 
> 
> Where their friends die.
> 
> Where Carmilla creates unwanted, unwilling children of her own in the midst of a war just to say she saved a few.
> 
> Where being cursed with eternal life is a victory.
> 
> Where, when the dust settles, Carmilla finds Laura to tell her she was wrong. She wasn’t the hero Silas needed; it was Laura all along. That she should have supported Laura from the beginning, because Silas was worth saving. That the students were worth saving.
> 
> Where Laura looks at Carmilla and asks, “Who the hell are you?”

 

The apartment was very quiet. The air was still, the early morning light filtering in through the cloudy glass windows. Laura descended the old, creaky staircase, taking in what would be her last glance at the room that had held such fond memories. She could see Carmilla curled up on the couch, a blanket pulled over her head. The space was a disaster, though thanks to Perry, free of dirty dishes, empty blood bags and any other particularly revolting items. Shifting her gaze, she saw the old empty table off of which she had cleared her broadcasting equipment. The fridge was empty, the wardrobe barren, and the bed stripped. 

Laura pulled her suitcase to the front door, taking a mental inventory of all of her stuff to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. She hadn't been able to locate her plaid dress, old memory card, or her yellow pillow, but they hadn't been worth looking for, so she had simply zipped her bag shut, lining it up along with her book bag and laptop case. 

Taking one last glance at what had been her home for several months, Laura placed her hand on the brass doorknob and pushed open the door. As she stepped over the threshold, all traces of Laura Hollis were gone, and all that was left was a slightly crumpled letter tucked beneath Carmilla's pillow.

 -ooo-

Carmilla awoke with a groan, her back sore from an uncomfortable night on the couch. Glancing at the grandfather clock, she saw that it was nearly four o'clock. 

Shrugging off the blanket around her shoulders, the brunette looked around the room, expecting to see Laura in front of her computer, doing  her usual daily broadcast. However, when her blurry gaze landed on the table, she saw that it was completely empty. She was immediately set on edge. Laura had a crap-ton of equipment, and it took her a solid couple hours and a _lot_  of noise to move her stuff. Carmilla would have noticed her doing it during the day.

Carmilla got off of the couch, running her fingers through her wavy hair. She traipsed into the kitchen, wondering if she would find her tiny ex in there. With no such woman to be found, Carmilla began to get nervous. Though she acted incredibly blasé about the whole breakup situation, the truth was she really did need Laura in her life. She needed Laura's quick wit and playful giggles. She needed her deep intellectuality and her incredible nerdiness. But most of all, she needed the person that despite her many faults, understood Carmilla in a way nobody else had in a long time. 

"LaFontaine!" she called loudly, and the ginger-haired "mad scientist" as Carmilla liked to call them, came clomping down the stairs.

"Where's Laura?" she asked, irritated. "All of here equipment in gone."

LaFontaine grimaced at Carmilla's words, and the brunette grew even more agitated.

"I'm.... I'm not, um, not sure," they replied. "I heard her go downstairs last night. She said she had written you a letter." Carmilla whirled around, looking for the aforementioned letter. She saw a piece of paper poking out from underneath her pillow and snatched it up immediately. 

Addressed with Laura's perfect penmanship, it read:

_Dear Carmilla,_

_If you're reading this, then it means that I'm gone. I'm sorry to leave so abruptly, but I don't think I could have handled_ _saying goodbye face to face. I just couldn't stand it anymore. It hurt too much. Seeing you every day was like tearing open a wound over and over again. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get away. I've gone home. I had a scholarship lined up before coming to Silas so I'm going to go there._

_I understand if you just rip this letter up. You've got to be mad. I get it. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I don't think I could ever stop loving you. I hope everything is okay at Silas. I'll never forget you, Carmilla Karnstein._

_Xoxo,_

_Laura_

Carmilla stared at the letter, her expression blank as she read it over again. 

"Do you-" LaFontaine began, taking a step towards the vampire. They didn't need to read the letter to know what it said. The empty room and vanished equipment were enough of a tip-off.

"Get out," Carmilla interrupted, her voice stone cold.

"Are you sure?" they inquired tentatively. "I could-"

"GET OUT!" she screeched, the sound reverberating throughout the house. LaFontaine looked terrified, making a very quick exit.

The minute they had cleared the room, a wretching sob escaped Carmilla, and she fell to the floor, tears pouring from her eyes in a way they hadn't for over two hundred years. The information was really setting in. Laura was gone. Carmilla's love was gone, and it was all her fault. She had driven her away. All of the jives and bad behaviour and flat-out stubbornness had finally taken their toll, and Laura was gone. 

Carmilla's fingers traced the handwritten letters, her gaze fixing on the last couple lines. " _I love you... I'll never forget you."_

Rushing upstairs, she threw open what had once had been Laura and Carmilla's bedroom. The bed was made with clean sheets, all traces of someone having lived there erased. 

Carmilla tore around the room, pulling out every drawer and flinging open every cabinet. Everything was empty. The vanity was cleared of Laura's things, and the laundry hamper that was so often overflowing had been cleaned out. 

In a last ditch effort, the brunette got on her hands and knees, searching for something - _anything -_ that Laura might have left behind. 

Her eyes lit up when she spied Laura's yellow pillow - covered in dust and quite wrinkled - shoved beneath the smaller woman's bed. Lying next to it was a heap of fabric that she couldn't quite identify until she pulled it from beneath the old frame. It was Laura's plaid dress, or at least it used to be. The garment was ripped in the back from the pair's night of... stargazing. It seemed like a million years ago, but Carmilla remembered every detail. Laura's face flashed before her eyes; her tanned skin, her soft lips, the way her back arched when Carmilla -. _No,_  the brunette thought,  _this is not happening._  Yet, for some sappy reason, Carmilla couldn't stop herself from lying atop the bed, yellow pillow clutched in her arms, and remembering every little detail about Laura Hollis. She could almost feel Laura's touch; the last kiss before she had ruined everything.

Another tear slid down her cheek, and an overwhelming sadness overcame her. She didn't know how long she lay there until everything eventually faded to black.

**1 Week Later**

"Everyone out of your dorms! Come on, they're coming! Meet in front of the building and wait for further instructions." Danny Lawrence tore down the hallway, red hair whipping as she turned the corner, shouting for everyone to get out. Perry, LaFontaine, and most surprisingly, Carmilla, were right behind her, yelling out the same message. 

Ever since Laura's departure, the campus had fallen into chaos. Mattie's henchman had shown up at the school, demanding blood. When the students had refused, the killing had begun. The casualties had been astronomical, and the body count far exceeded the 15% quota, but nobody seemed to care as men in suits ripped up buildings, killing everyone in their wake. 

At first, Carmilla had been reluctant to join the brigade of students desperately trying to save the campus. She had deemed it futile and childish, knowing Mattie would stop the killing when she deemed the death toll sufficient. It was only when Kirsch's body had shown up on the door step that she had been pushed into action. That spark - once lit by Elle so long ago - was reignited, and her urge to save as many people as possible flared within her. She could almost hear Laura's voice in her head, telling her to be strong; telling her to be brave. 

However, by the time Carmilla had made her decision, it had been too late. Silas University was a bloodbath - blood being the key word. It was everywhere, making it hard for Carmilla to focus. The smell was intoxicating, and every so often, she couldn't resist sinking in her teeth. As a result of her insatiable thirst, the apartment was now full of newbie vampires, all very confused and _very_  hungry. She remembered when Danny had first found out.

Carmilla had been sitting in the kitchen, nursing a drink, when Danny had burst through the door, her temper almost as fiery as her hair.

"Carmilla what the hell!" she yelled. Her jacket was ripped, and her skin was pale from lack of sleep. She looked awful. They all did.

"What is it Xena? I'm exhausted."

"So you're just going to ignore the fact that your living room is full of fledgling vampires?"

"I'm well aware of my company," the brunette bristled, "now leave me alone."

Danny crossed her arms in resolution. "Not until you tell me why you're doing this."

Carmilla gritted her teeth. "If you don't get out of here, I've got a group of hungry vampires who'd be oh so happy to snap you up."

The red-haired woman's eyebrows shot up. "Really? You would feed me to a bunch of vampires. I don't think Laura-"

That was it. Danny had gone too far. "Don't you dare!" she yelled, nearly knocking over the kitchen chair as she stood up angrily. "Don't you dare bring Laura into this!"

The taller woman was growing angry as well, and stood tall to face Carmilla, who was dwarfed in comparison. "Why?" She retorted angrily. "Is this what you think she would have wanted for you? You sit in this house all day. You only come out to either evacuate the dorms or _eat_  people. And I know for a fact that that bottle was full yesterday morning." Danny gestured to the nearly empty alcohol bottle on the kitchen table.

"I don't care what she would have wanted for me," Carmilla spat back. "She's _gone_. She can't help us."

Danny sighed. "You're right. She can't help us. But that doesn't mean you can go around turning whoever you want. You can still feed on people without cursing them to eternal life."

Carmilla mumbled something unintelligible, her head hanging low.

"What was that?" Danny replied.

The brunette looked up, her cheeks wet with tears. "I said," she repeated, "the reason that I'm turning people is because it's the only way to keep them alive. There are more dead than living at Silas, and being cursed to live forever on this miserable planet is a lot better than lying dead on the quad. I'm turning people because I need Laura back. I don't know what to do. I'm not a hero. It was Laura all along. None of this would have happened earlier if she were here. I'm turning people because I loved her, and I can't watch her school go down in flames without doing _something_ to save the students."

Danny stood, stunned by Carmilla's words. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she wiped it away furiously before turning on her heel and leaving the room.

Carmilla sighed, downing the rest of her drink and pulling out her phone. She had been checking all of Laura's social media since she had left. Her Tumblr and Twitter had both been deleted, and her cell phone had been disconnected. It was as if Laura Hollis had never even  existed, alive only in Carmilla's memory.

A fire alarm rang, pulling Carmilla back to the present; back to the throngs of people racing out of the building. Silas' population had been cut by more than half, and the remaining survivors gathered in front of the library, conversing in hushed voices with scared faces.

Most of the buildings had either been burnt or knocked down, leaving most of the students outside. Luckily, it was summer in Styria, making the temperature pleasant enough and clearing the paths for cars to get through. In fact, that was what Danny had gathered everyone to announce.

"Everyone! Listen up! Hey!" Eventually, the chatter died down, and Danny said loudly, "Hi everyone. It had been a devastating week for Silas University. It has been a week of both loss and strength. Many of us have lost friends and loved ones," An image of Kirsch's lifeless body flashed before her eyes and she blinked back tears, "but we pulled through, and we're still here and fighting. I have good news today! Outside forces from Graz's local college are going to send in buses to try to get the remainder of the student body off of the premises. There will be full accommodations until everything can be sorted out." There was a collective cheer as people realized they would finally be getting out of what could only have been described as a war zone. "The buses will be here at ten tonight," Danny shouted as the crowd dispersed. The ginger then hopped off the block she had been using as a makes shift announcement area. 

LaFontaine, Perry, Carmilla and JP were all waiting for her as she made her way through the excited group. 

"So what now?" LaFontaine asked.

The group looked amongst each other before Carmilla replied, "Now I have someone I need to see."

Everyone watched as she sauntered towards the burnt out building that used to be her dorm. Suddenly, her entire body disappeared in a puff of black smoke, and that was the last anybody at Silas University saw of Carmilla Karnstein.

-ooo-

Carmilla's hand hovered above the thick oak of Laura's front door. She'd had one hell of a time finding the place, as her house was completely surrounded by dense trees, making it almost impossible to see. It was located at the very end of a backwoods road that seemed to go on forever, and and was tucked so far back into the woods it was almost invisible. Carmilla had stood out front for a full half-hour, trying to talk herself into knocking on the front door. 

_Come on Carmilla! You've got to girl the hell up!_  Carmilla chuckled as Lauras voice popped into her head, the smaller woman's kidnapping mantra replaying itself in her mind.

Gathering all of her courage, Carmilla rapped three time on the wooden door.

She felt her heart skip a beat when she heard Laura's voice call from inside the house: "I got it!" 

The door swung open, and Laura and Carmilla stood face to face. A small but sad smile crept across Carmilla's features. "Laura, you were wrong," she said softly. "I wasn't the hero Silas needed. It was you all along. You were the leader. Everyone needed _you_. I should have listened. I should have supported you. I am so sorry. I love you cupcake."

There was a pause before Laura cocked her head and asked, "Excuse me, but who the hell are you?"

 


	2. Chapter 2

Carmilla slammed her hand against the steering wheel, her foot leaning heavily on the gas. Her car sped down the empty road, the wind whipping through the open windows.

"Damn it!" she yelled. "Damn it! Damn it! _Damn it!_ " the brunette repeated furiously, delivering another three blows to the steering wheel. She was an idiot. A stupid, stupid idiot.

When Laura had answered the door, there had been a lot of confusion as to how the hell the smaller woman had no recollection of Carmilla. The brunette had introduced herself, and immediately, Laura's face had brightened.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "You're Carmilla! I knew you be here sometime this week."

"How do you know that. I thought you said you didn't know me." For one, fleeting second, Carmilla hoped that this was all a prank. Maybe Laura was just messing with her, and in a few seconds, she would fling herself at the other woman, smiling and saying she remembered the person who, not two weeks ago, had confessed her love for her.

However, the entire fantasy came crashing down when Laura replied, "I don't. Someone told me you would come." Carmilla's face fell, and for a second, she didn't know what to say. Suddenly, however, her expression changed from one of sadness to extreme skepticism.

"Who told you? Who said I would be here?"

Laura's face scrunched up in the way it always did when she was thinking. It was something Carmilla had always found utterly adorable. Then, she responded, "It was a woman. She said you and her were very close. I think her name was Mattie." Before Carmilla even had a chance to reply, Laura continued, "Actually, she left you a letter. Hold on." She disappeared into the large home, returning with a pristine parchment letter. From what Carmilla could see of it, it had been written with traditional ink, and the loopy cursive that scrawled across the page was most certainly her sister's.

Laura wordlessly handed her the letter, Carmilla nearly snatching it from her hands.

The writer was immediately confirmed to be Mattie as Carmilla read the first line.

_My Dearest Kitty Cat,_

_As you are reading this, I would assume you have crusaded around the campus enough as to feel that you can come and visit your little playmate. As you may have noticed, Ms. Hollis has no recollection of you, or your friends, or anything about Silas University at all. I understand you may be slightly upset by this fact, but I assure you it was for the best._

_When I saw your young friend leaving the campus, I decided to take it upon myself to make sure you two had a clean break, and assure that Laura would never return to Silas. I would hate for your failed relationship to affect your life more than it has to. Therefore, I completely erased Laura's memories of the last year and sent her home to her father, where I assure you she is quite happy. It would be in both of your best interests to take this letter and leave. There is nothing you can do._

_Much love,_

_Mattie_

Carmilla read and re-read the letter, turning it over and over in her mind until it finally sunk in. Mattie had done this. Her own sister had ruined any chance of her being with Laura. Period.

Carmilla had thanked Laura through gritted teeth before getting into her car, still trying to process everything that had happened.

Mind control was a popular trope in vampiric pop culture, but to Carmilla it had only been a forbidden legend, whispered between her siblings late at night; concealed with vague writing in crumbling history books. The brunette had dismissed it as myth, as it was a skill none of her friends, nor enemies had possessed. However, she had been foolish to underestimate the great and terrible Matska Belmonde.

"That's what I am," Carmilla muttered to herself, slamming the car door. "A damn fool."

Carmilla had stopped the car in an empty parking lot, needing a minute to cool off. All she wanted to do was get as angry as she could and run wild; tear into this tiny town like a dinner buffet. Despite every single part of her urging her to let go, she held herself back, remembering why she had come here. She was in this stupid, wretched town for Laura. The bubbly, dorky, amazing girl who had made her see the parts of herself that she liked; that she was proud of.

She had to get that Laura back.

Swinging open the dented aluminum door, Carmilla got back into the car, blood no longer boiling.

Twenty minutes later, the brunette stood again before Laura's front door, hand hovering over the dark wood. She wrapped firmly against it, and after a momentary scuffle, Laura answered.

"Carmilla!" she said pleasantly. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I…um… well, I." Carmilla hadn't exactly planned what she was going to say, but being raised as a countess had its perks, and she barely missed a beat before saying, "Nothing's wrong. I was wondering if I could speak to you outside?"

"Yeah…sure." Laura replied, looking confused and more than a little bit nervous. Grabbing a jacket off the hook, she yelled over her shoulder, "Dad. I'm heading outside for a minute."

There was a muffled reply before the smaller woman nodded, following Carmilla into the thicket that surrounded her property.

The pair entered the forest, the cool shade of the massive oaks enveloping them like a cloak. There were a few moments of tense silence, then, voice wobbly and soft, Laura asked, "So, what's all of this about?"

Carmilla took a deep breath. "What I'm about to tell you will sound crazy." Her tone was calm, her voice clear, and her expression as cool as she could muster. "You will probably dismiss it as some freak trying to scam you or something, but I need you to promise you'll at least hear me out."

Laura nodded almost imperceptibly, and the brunette took it as a good sign that she hadn't already run screaming.

"Okay," Carmilla began, reaching into her back pocket. Her fingers brushed the glossy paper she had so carefully folded, and she immediately relaxed. She had evidence - solid, undeniable evidence. "I'll start from the beginning." A small smile crept across her features as she remembered the pounding rock music and the scent of hot cocoa from her first day in dorm room 307. "You were a first-year student at Silas University in Styria, Austria. You-"

Laura cut her off. "Hold on. I've never been to Austria."

Carmilla gritted her teeth, realizing the full extent of Mattie's damage. "I told you this would sound crazy," she replied. "Just bear with me."

Laura nodded, and Carmilla continued. "You had a roommate named Betty - real party girl. Then, she disappeared. You searched everywhere for her, but you couldn't find anything. Then, I showed up. You launched on this heroic crusade to save her." Again, Carmilla remembered all of those late night research sessions. She remembered Laura, curled up in bed, a book on her lap and a cookie in her hand. She remembered finding the other woman asleep at her desk, putting a blanket over her shoulders and laying her underneath the covers. She remembered when Laura had lain awake, tears streaming down her face after a terrible nightmare, and how the brunette had sat beside her all night, stroking her hair and telling her it was going to be all right.

"Many eighteen-hour work days later, we all ended up in a pit with a giant anglerfish, where after a fight with my mother, I…" She paused, cheeks flooding with colour. She wasn't and would probably never be very comfortable with describing her own heroism. "I sacrificed myself to keep you safe. Everyone thought I was dead."

Laura cocked her head in confusion. "Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?"

Carmilla's blush deepened, and everything she had planned on saying got tangled up inside of her. For a moment she stood there, utterly tongue-tied. "W-well," she stuttered. Laura stared at her until finally, it clicked, and she too turned bright red.

"Oh, I get it. Okay. Go on."

"Well, as I said, everyone though I was dead." She laughed nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I wasn't. Obviously." _God, I sound like a complete idiot_ , she chastised. _Why does she always do this to me?_ In the very back of her mind, she knew exactly why Laura did this to her, but she pushed it away, continuing with her story. "After trying to run through a very harsh Austrian winter, you and I, along with your friends, ended up at an old house off-campus. At first, things were great. It was just you and me in love. Then," Tears pooled in her eyes and the look on Laura's face when she had stormed out of the room flashed before her eyes. "we had a falling-out. It's a long story, but in the end, it resulted in you leaving Austria. My sister, Mattie, saw you leaving, and under the pretense of wanting to protect me, erased all your memories of Silas University so that you would never come back. After you left, the campus erupted into chaos. When the dust settled, I decided to come find you. And here we are."

Laura was quiet for a few moments before crossing her arms tightly and saying, "You're right. That sound absolutely crazy. Seriously, you expect me to believe that you and I were lovers at some random university in a country I've never even been to? And that your sister erased all of my memories? Besides, I haven't even started university. I just graduated high school."

This was going to be harder than Carmilla thought. She was silent for a minute, pondering how she could get through to Laura. Mattie had erased an entire year in Laura's memory, but that year had still happened. Then, an idea struck.

"How old are you?"

"How old am I?" Laura repeated, arching an eyebrow. "I'm eighteen. I told you, I just graduated high school."

"Okay, and when's your birthday?"

"January 31, 1996."

A triumphant smile spread across Carmilla's face. " So you're saying you're eighteen, but it's June 7, 2015."

A puzzled expression dawned on Laura's face as she did the math. Then, her hand flew to her mouth, eyes wide. "Holy crap, you're right. I'm nineteen."

Carmilla nodded, pulling out the photos she's printed after Laura had left. "Now, look at these." From her back pocket, she produced four pictures. The first was of Laura on her first day at Silas, smiling brightly in front of her dorm. The second was of Carmilla and Laura, arms around each other, standing in front of a brightly decorated Christmas tree (courtesy of a certain blood-thirsty Austrian baker). The third photo made Carmilla smile. Though it was rather embarrassing, even she could admit it was kind of cute. It had been a cold winter's day, and after falling into a huge snow bank, Laura had been freezing. Carmilla had run her a bath, despite her protests that she was completely fine. In the end, the smaller woman had only conceded on the condition that Carmilla keep her company. Thus, when LaFontaine came bursting into the bathroom to talk to Laura, they discovered the pair curled together in the porcelain tub. They had quickly departed, but not before snapping a photo.

The last picture was one Carmilla had taken herself. Ever the dedicated journalist, Laura had often stayed up into the early hours of the morning, writing and editing. One particular evening, Carmilla had been watching a movie when she looked over to Laura's side of the room. Through the caution tape, she saw Laura at her desk, wrapped in a cozy fleece sweater, typing away. There was something mesmerizing about watching her work, and Carmilla couldn't resist taking a photo.

Laura was stunned as she took in the images. "Th-these are of me." The end of her sentence was turned up like a question, and Carmilla nodded.

"They were all taken in Austria. This was your first year at Silas. "

"What about you? Was it your first year?"

"Yeah, you could say that cupcake." Carmilla had decided to keep the whole "I'm a vampire " thing under wraps until she was sure Laura wouldn't try to stake her.

Laura nodded, satisfied with the brunette's vague answer. Carmilla could tell she was coming around, but she could also tell the smaller woman was still full of questions.

"Okay…" she said slowly, "I'm just going to start off and say, you don't sound crazy. It's a plausible story. Though I'm still iffy on the whole 'giant anglerfish' part." Carmilla chuckled. "But I _will_ admit it sounds plausible. The fact that I believed I'm a year younger than I actually am, and these photos, which I have no doubt aren't photo-shopped - there's no way - are really making me question things." She fidgeted nervously. "But… I'm not sure. I don't know, I just need _something_. Something to prove you do actually know me - that this isn't some elaborate con job. Really, I want to believe you. Is there anything?"

Carmilla could have hugged Laura in that moment. She believed her! She was actually willing to listen. All she needed was one last piece of evidence - _something to prove you actually know me_. She racked her brain, remembering all of the little things she loved about Laura.

"You have a birthmark in the shape of a crescent moon on your right hipbone. You only drink grape soda out of a can - you think it's gross in a bottle. Um," she paused momentarily, loosing her train of thought at the sight of Laura's growing smile, "your father makes you carry copious amounts of bear spray and your first kiss was in elementary school behind the big maple tree in the playground."

By the time Carmilla had finished, Laura was smiling earnestly. "Okay," she laughed. "Okay. I get it. There is no way you don't actually know me. I believe you. And besides, I've never really been a skeptic."

_Ain't that the truth,_ Carmilla mused.

Then, Laura surprised her and asked, "So what's next?"

Carmilla smiled. "Next, we get on a plane."

 


	3. Chapter 3

 Carmilla had to pee. And she was hungry. And her leather pants were uncomfortable. All in all, Carmilla Karnstein was a fucking mess, but completely too stubborn to resolve any of the dilemmas she was currently confronting. The reason? Carmilla Karnstein was spending the night with Laura. It might have been wise to add a minor heart attack to the list. 

After Laura's agreement to accompany the brunette on a long-haul flight to Austria, the pair had booked their tickets, settling on a flight leaving early the next morning. However, due to the miniature nature of Laura's hometown, there was absolutely nowhere for Carmilla to stay. Thus, she ended up perched nervously on the edge of Laura's bed, listening to the other woman shower in the bathroom next door. If she was honest, she would have killed for the feeling of water running over her rather dirty skin, but there was no way in hell that a) she was asking Laura to use the shower and b) she was crawling back into her grimy clothes with clean skin; asking Laura for clothes was completely out of the question. 

When she heard the water shut off, the brunette moved from her position atop Laura's dull blue bedspread, taking a seat in an office chair in the opposite corner of the room. The smaller woman entered the room wearing an old pair of cat pyjamas, wet hair darkening the fabric of her light gray tank top. 

"Hey," she said softly, taking a seat on the previously occupied bed. Her nose crinkled as she took in Carmilla's scent of roses, sweat and the slightest hint of blood. It wasn't that it was bad, just… different. 

Carmilla watched as she ran a comb through her tangled hair and hung her towel on the back of the door. "Hey," she said, opening up her closet, "do you want to take a shower? I can leave out something for you to wear." 

 Carmilla smiled. While she would never ask Laura to use the bathroom herself, she wasn't opposed to the _offer_. 

"Thanks, creampuff," she replied, taking the fluffy white towel from Laura's outstretched hand. 

As she approached the door Laura called, "Hey, Carmilla." 

The brunette turned to face the smaller woman, one hand clutching the doorknob. "Yeah?" 

"Why do you call me that? Creampuff?" 

Carmilla shrugged. "No idea. It's always been my nickname for you. Ever since you came to Silas." Suddenly, her expression was plagued with doubt. "I can stop if that's what you'd like." 

Laura laughed. "No… I was just curious. Did I used to used to call you anything?" 

"You once called me a raging bad person." Carmilla smirked, and Laura giggled hysterically. 

"Sounds like me." 

"Certainly does." Carmilla turned the doorknob and took the five steps down the hallway to the bathroom. It was small, with a stand-alone shower, toilet and sink.

Peeling off her gross clothing, Carmilla stepped under the warm, heavenly water, washing away the dirt of the past 24 hours. 

She listened as Laura padded down the stairs, and could hear the muffled voices of both Laura and her father. She could tell they were arguing about something, and she caught the words "Plane", "Austria", and "Carmilla." The argument escalated before there was a deafening crash and she heard Laura running up the stairs, followed by the slam of the bedroom door. 

Carmilla nearly ran from the bathroom, hastily wrapping a towel over her damp skin. She threw open the door to find Laura curled up on her bed, chin resting on her knees. Her cheeks were tear-stained and blazing an angry red. There was a simple blue t-shirt and pair of leggings hanging over the office chair. Carmilla picked them up, silently cursing herself for the itchy lace bra she'd pulled out if her drawer the previous morning. 

Pulling her hair into a rather sloppy ponytail, the brunette sidled over to Laura's quaking form, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Carmilla knew she sounded awkward. She had never been good at the whole "sentimental talks" things, despite her self-proclaimed status as a romantic sap. 

"Uh, yeah," Laura said, sniffing and wiping away her tears. She straightened her back, brushing the hair from her face. "I tried to tell my dad about our plans… he wasn't happy at all. He's very protective of me; I'm his only child. When I tried to tell him about everything you'd told me, he dropped a tray of food. That was the crash. I guess I must have looked so scared that he calmed down. He said I could go if I checked in with him every day. He, uh, also wants to talk to you." 

Carmilla paled. "Talk to me?" she repeated. Laura nodded, and Carmilla tried to regain some of her plummeting confidence. She could do this. "Well," she said with a half-hearted smirk, "this wasn't the way I'd planned on meeting your family, but it could be worse." 

Laura smiled, and Carmilla left the room, footsteps light on the creaky wooden stairs. Entering the living room, she saw Laura's father sitting in a high-backed armchair, a paper in his lap and a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. 

Taking a deep breath, Carmilla said strongly. "Mr. Hollis? You wished to speak with me?" 

"I did," he replied, folding his paper like they were in some black and white movie. Taking a seat on an identical arm chair, Carmilla looked him dead in the eyes, and he returned her stare, equally as intense. "I wish to know what your intentions are with my daughter. I know what you told her, and I don't want you spouting more of your delusions. Now, Laura is eighteen, and able to make her own decisions, so I will not stop her from leaving, but I want you to know that if make a wrong move, I will have her home faster than you can say 'Silas.'" 

Carmilla nodded. "I understand sir. I'll take very good care of the cupca-" She paused, rethinking her response. "Of _Laura_." 

Mr. Hollis smiled, standing up and gesturing towards the kitchen. "Can I offer you something to eat or drink?" 

A smirk crept over Carmilla's features and she replied, "Do you have any of that cereal? You know, the one with the vampire on the box?" 

"Of course," he laughed, leading the brunette towards the pantry. "It's Laura's favourite." 

-ooo- 

Early morning sunlight streamed in through Laura's cheap purple curtains, and Carmilla groaned as her eyes fluttered open, glancing at the clock, which read 5:38 AM. The pair had approximately four hours before their flight. Laura was already awake, sitting beneath her covers with a book in her hands. 

"Morning cutie," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes and running her fingers through her hair. 

"Good morning Carmilla," Laura replied, eyes still on her novel. Her tone was cold and contemptuous. 

Sitting up in her makeshift bed of pillows on the floor, she asked, "What's wrong?" 

Eyes still averted, Laura reached beside her and held up a blood bag, freshly lifted from the local hospital. Carmilla had woken up in the middle of the night absolutely starving and had run over to grab a little pick-me-up. Well, so much for keeping the vampire thing a secret. 

"Laura, I can explain," the brunette said calmly. 

"Really!" Laura exclaimed, turning so they were face to face."You can explain why you have a _blood bag_ in your stuff!" Her voice was getting louder, and Carmilla looked around nervously as she heard movement downstairs. 

"I promise I can. But you just need to calm down," she said, throwing the blankets off her legs and approaching Laura. The other woman's eyes were wide, and as Carmilla stepped towards her, she backed herself into a corner, attempting to make herself as small as possible. 

"NO!" she screeched. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" All colour drained from Carmilla's face as she saw Laura's terrified expression, and she paled even further when she heard Mr. Hollis barreling up the stairs. 

"Laura!" he yelled. "What's wrong?" Out of the corner of her eye, the brunette saw the doorknob start to turn, and in a flash, she was at the door, clicking the heavy lock. There was a rattle before Mr. Hollis started to bang on the door, yelling for both women to let him in. Laura sat on the bed, eyeing the door but completely paralyzed with fear. 

Crossing the room in a few strides, Carmilla carefully approached the smaller woman, her voice slow and calm. "Laura. Remember how I said my story sounded crazy?" Laura nodded quickly, and Carmilla inched a bit closer, fingers brushing the cotton bedspread. "Well, this is part of it, Okay? There's something I didn't tell you about myself - I'm a vampire." 

"Is that why you have this?" Laura inquired, holding up the blood bag. Her voice was much calmer that had been seconds previously. Carmilla nodded, and Laura gulped. "Okay. Okay. You're a vampire. You are a _vampire_." She had to say it a couple times before it actually processed. 

"Laura!" Mr. Hollis yelled from behind the door. "Are you okay?" 

"Fine dad!" Laura called back, keeping her voice as steady as possible. The pair listened as he clonked back down the stairs and both let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, so how long have you been a… you know?" 

"About three hundred years." 

"Wow. Did I know you were a vampire?" 

"You did. That's how you got this." Picking up a handheld mirror off Laura's desk, Carmilla moved to brush her hair from her neck. Laura visibly flinched when her fingers touched her skin, but composed herself to let Carmilla show her the two tiny scars on the side of her neck. 

When she saw them, Laura's mouth fell open. "You gave me those?" 

Carmilla gave her a wide smile, showing off razor sharp fangs. "Sure did." 

Laura exhaled loudly. "Well, definitely not the weirdest thing I've heard in the last 24 hours." She handed Carmilla the blood bag back and she took a grateful gulp - her head had begun to pound. Glancing at the clock, Laura exclaimed, "Oh my god! We've got to get a move on or we're going to miss our flight!" 

-ooo- 

"Welcome to Austria. The local time is 11:06 PM. Thank you for flying with us, and have a pleasant evening." Carmilla put her book back in her rucksack as she felt the plane touch down, a smile spreading across her face. They were home. 

The airport was crowded as the last wave of evening departures left the small airport. Laura and Carmilla weaved through the busy terminal, bags in hand, heading towards the exit. There was a moment in the chaos that Laura's fingers intertwined with Carmilla's - their first real physical contact since Laura had left. Carmilla held her hand tightly, drawing her close and revelling in the touch. It was strange - Laura looked and felt and sounded the same, but on the inside, she was a completely different person. She was no longer Laura Hollis: student at Silas University and in love with a damaged vampire. She was Laura Hollis: recent high school graduate and book-lover. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less. 

There was only one bus that ran to Silas, and luckily, the pair managed to catch it on of it's three daily stops at the airport. "It's a good thing we did, " Carmilla stated as they took their seats. "Or we would have been here until tomorrow afternoon." 

As the bus wound its way through the Austrian countryside, Laura stared out the window, her eyes drinking in the details of the beautiful landscape. Carmilla, on the other hand, had her nose buried in a book - she'd had three-hundred years to take in the picturesque view. 

"Next stop: Silas University," the driver called, and the pair collected their things. 

The entrance to Silas was a grand stone building that had been built before Carmilla was even born. Two delicate sculptures of stunning ancient Greek goddesses framed large wooden doors that opened up to the university. Beyond them was a large quad, dotted with beautiful flower trees. From behind the thick wood, Carmilla could hear the pounding bass of a large party. _How could she forget?_ Every year, without fail, the students of Silas held a massive party to celebrate the end of school, and this year there was even more cause for jubilation, as the students of Silas were finally free from Mattie's wrath.

Pushing open the doors, Carmilla's gaze landed upon a hoard of people, all dancing, talking and drinking. Through the crowd, she caught a glimpse of ginger hair, and upon closer inspection, saw that it was, in fact, LaFontaine, Perry and Danny, accompanied by JP. Taking Laura's hand, she led her through the partygoers. When she got close enough, she called, "Hey, Xena." Danny whirled around, eyes wide. 

"Carmilla!" she exclaimed, alerting her friends' attention. Her eyes widened further when she saw a terrified-looking Laura trailing behind her brunette companion. "Laura!" she yelled before running at her, pulling the other woman into a hug so big she was lifted off the ground. 

"Danny, stop," Carmilla said forcefully, and the ginger-haired woman let Laura go, turning to her with a confused expression. 

"What is it?" she enquired, and the brunette motioned for everyone to join her in a small huddle. Laf, Perry, Danny, and JP all crowded around, with Laura waiting nervously to the side. 

"What's all this about?" LaFontaine asked, glancingly worriedly at her friend. 

"It's Laura. She doesn't remember who we are." Carmilla quickly filled everyone in on the situation. They were all quiet for a moment before LaFontaine said, "I've got to go." 

"Where?" Danny replied. 

They grabbed Perry and JP's hands', beginning to walk towards the dorm buildings. "I'm going to go find a way to get our friend back."

 


	4. Chapter 4

Carmilla hunched over the leather book, eyes drooping from exhaustion. It was definitely a myth that vampires didn’t need sleep. “This is useless,” she stated with exasperation, looking around the room at her companions, who were all engaged in the same activity. “We’re never going to find anything this way.” LaFontaine looked up from their huge ancient book, eyes bright despite the late hour.

“Come on, we’ve just started!” they exclaimed. “There’s no telling what we’ll find in a couple hours."  
“She’s right LaFontaine,” Perry piped up, closing her book and pulling her ginger curls into a bun. “We’ve been at this for hours, and we still haven’t found anything remotely helpful as to getting Laura’s memories back."  
Since Laura’s arrival, Carmilla, Perry, LaFontiane, JP and Danny had all been working tirelessly to find a way to reverse Mattie’s compulsion, to no avail. They had pored over book after book, searching for even the smallest clue as to how get their friend back. The lack of library made their investigation harder as well, and after many hours of decoding ancient scripts and reading about virgins being sacrificed in every way possible, everyone was completely worn out.  
“I am sorry to say,” JP added, "but I have not been able to locate anything in the Silas database about vampire memory control. I have tried several search inputs, but nothing relevant seems to be showing up."  
“There must be something!” Danny said angrily. “We can’t just leave Laura like this!"  
“We can’t,” Carmilla said, tone soft and eyes downcast, “but for now, we’ve got nothing."  
Perry stood from her seat atop of the high-backed armchairs placed sporadically around the living room. “Why don’t we all reconvene tomorrow? I think everyone could use some sleep."  
“Agreed,” Danny seconded.  
The group dispersed, heading back to their respective sororities and dorm rooms, and Carmilla was left in the dark living room. Casting a wary glance at the files scattered across the antique rug, the brunette climbed the stairs, turning down a secluded hall to her bedroom. Swinging open the creaky wooden door, Carmilla discovered Laura sitting atop the covers, her laptop open in front of her. When she heard the other woman come in, she looked up, eyes widening.  
“I am so sorry,” she said hastily, scrambling to gather her things. “I went out to get some food, and when I came back I saw you guys in the living room. I didn’t want to disturb you, so I just, um, came up here."  
Recovering, from her initial shock, Carmilla strode into the room, flinging open her closet. “It’s okay, cupcake. I was just going to read. Feel free to stay here.”  
“Really?"  
Carmilla nodded, pulling out a pair of dark plaid pyjama pants and a loose, black tank top. Though she often made it a habit to sleep in her clothes, she _did_ actually enjoy the comfort of her old, cotton pyjamas.  
It was then that the brunette reached a point of indecision. Laura was sitting a mere ten feet away, and despite the fact that the other woman had seen Carmilla in many different states of undress, it didn’t mean that this current version of her wouldn’t be uncomfortable.  
Agonizing over the action for barely a few seconds, Carmilla said _screw it_ , and pulled off her T-shirt and leather pants. As her lace bra fell to the floor, she could feel Laura’s gaze burning a hole in her back. When she turned around, comfortable in her new outfit, she saw Laura’s cheeks had gone bright red. It reminded her of their days before they had become a couple, and Carmilla had made it a point to strip anywhere within the vicinity of the smaller woman, simply to tease her.  
Paying no mind to Laura’s embarrassed expression, Carmilla practically waltzed over to the bed, grabbing a worn poetry collection from her bedside table and flipping to where she had left off. Laura clicked away on her laptop, no doubt sending another email to her father. As promised, she had been checking in every single day.  
The pair sat in comfortable silence for a long time, listening to the faint tick of the grandfather clock in the hallway. It wasn’t until it chimed midnight that Carmilla looked over to find Laura asleep, laptop still open. She must have fallen asleep while working. She looked so peaceful that the brunette couldn’t bear to move her, and instead, she closed the computer, placing it on the nightstand.  
Since their discovery of the apartment’s original owner, Laura had made a point to purchase all new bedding for their four-poster bed, and as Carmilla pulled the soft sheets over the other woman, she couldn’t help but crawl beneath the heavenly comforter.  
She watched as Laura’s chest rose and fall, her soft breath audible in the silence.  
Rolling over in bed, Carmilla placed her book beside the bed before curling up beneath the covers, letting the rhythm of the clock and Laura’s breathing lull her to sleep.

-ooo-

“Carmilla! I got it! I figured it out!” LaFontiane’s call echoed through the house, waking Carmilla from a very deep sleep. Groaning, her eyes opened to see the clock blinking 7:00 AM.

As Laura was still sleeping, somehow impervious to the mad scientist’s loud voice, Carmilla climbed carefully out of bed, padding down the stairs.  
LaFontiane was standing on the threshold, a blood-stained book in their hand.  
“What the frilly _hell_!” she exclaimed. “What have you done to my book?"  
“See, that’s just it,” they replied, taking a step towards the tired vampire. “On the way back to my dorm last night, I was thinking about that huge book we used to defeat the anglerfish last year, and how when you spilled blood on it, it revealed new information. So I picked up a blood bag from Medical Services, and took the vampire history book we were looking at yesterday, and I coated each page in blood until I found this.” The ginger scientist held out the bloody book, and Carmilla further descended the stairs to inspect it. At the bottom of one of the pages, there was a paragraph scrawled in Russian. In her first years a vampire, maman had made a point of teaching Carmilla many of the prevalent languages in Eastern Europe and Asia, and she had no problem reading what the book said.  
Squinting at the messy print, she read aloud. “ _Vampiric compulsion is an ancient art. It can only be mastered with thousands of years of practice, and is a skill only possessed by few skilled vampires. Compulsion is a chemical reaction between a vampire and a human, and can be undone through a complicated process (See, potion-making)_.” Flipping the page, she saw a list of ingredients. Looking up at Laf, she said, “So you’re saying this is the cure?"  
They nodded, and Carmilla’s face lit up with joy. Inspecting the list, she asked, “Where do you find this stuff?"  
LaFontiane grimaced. “That’s the catch. All of it can be found in or around Austria, but it would take me and Per and least a week to collect all of it, if not longer."  
“Well, that’s better than nothing. Thank you so much."  
“Laura’s one of my best friends. I would do anything for her. I’ve already got train tickets booked. Perry and I leave this afternoon.”  
Carmilla nodded. “I’ll let Laura know."  
Turning on their heel, LaFontaine left the apartment, leaving Carmilla to go back up the stairs with a smile on her face.

-ooo-

“Did you remember your passport? Do you have sufficient funds for your journey? What about clothing? Do you have everything you’ll need?"

LaFontaine laughed as JP hovered over them, assuring both they and Perry had everything they needed for their “Austrian Adventure” as the ginger scientist had taken to calling it. Though they had invited him along, JP had opted to stay at Silas, having never traveled into the modern world.  
“I do not wish to slow you down, LaFontaine. Perhaps we could take a trip when timing is less of a concern?"  
“Sounds good,” they had replied, forcing an uncomfortable smile under Perry’s wearisome gaze. LaFontaine had been trying to muster up the courage to talk to their best friend for a while now, and the trip provided the perfect opportunity, or at least they hoped so.  
A short car ride through lush Austrian countryside took the pair to a dilapidated train station. Despite its state, it was bustling with haggard travelers, pushing and pulling bags every which way.  
“Don’t forget your luggage,” Perry reminded, handing LaFontaine their completely stuffed backpack.  
They nodded in thanks, receiving the bag, and without a thought, grabbed Perry’s hand. They felt her wince at the touch and immediately started walking towards the platform, turning their head to hide the tears making tracks down their cheeks.

-ooo-

“Ugh. This is impossible! How the hell does _anyone_ sit through this?” Danny pushed a file off her lap, leaning back on the leather chaise. “I never thought I could hate budget details this much, and yet…"

“That sucks Danny,” Laura replied with a sympathetic smile.  
“Thanks Laura. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.” She sighed, flipping the file shut and placing it back in yet another box she had acquired. “Well, I’m going to head back to my dorm; maybe take one last look at this crap before I head to bed."  
“Good night, Ms. Lawrence,” JP said, waving politely as she exited the room. As he heard the door shut, he said, “I think I may follow Ms. Lawrence’s lead. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”  
“Goodnight JP,” Laura called after him, before turning back to Carmilla with a puzzled expression. “Carmilla? Can I ask you a question?"  
“Of course, cupcake."  
“I was wondering… about Danny…"  
Carmilla sighed. “What about her?"  
Colour flooded into Laura’s cheeks. “Were we ever… you know… together?"  
As Laura fidgeted and blushed, Carmilla felt herself grow angry. This wasn’t fair. Laura shouldn’t ask her that. After everything they had been through. After everything Carmilla had done - and now she was making eyes with Xena?  
Suddenly, anger surged through Carmilla’s veins, and she could practically feel her blood _boiling_. It was a problem she had been dealing with even before becoming a vampire. Explosive outbursts - fits of rage that would make her lose control. She knew she had to get out before she hurt someone.  
“No,” she said tersely, before rising and making a beeline for the doorway.  
Laura’s eyes widened as she stormed past her. “Carmilla! Is there something wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you!” To Carmilla’s displeasure, the smaller woman followed her as she stomped up the stairs. “It’s just that… I don’t know. I feel like she and I have a connection. Ever since I came here, she and I have had a bond."  
Moving as quickly as she could towards the bedroom door, Carmilla growled. “Laura. You need to leave me alone."  
“Carmilla? What’s wrong? Was it something I said?"  
The brunette willed herself to keep moving, the bedroom door seemingly miles away. Her teeth clenched, and her knuckles were white.  
“Carmilla! What the hell is going on!” It was Laura’s raised voice that sent her over the edge. _How dare Laura yell at her? How dare she challenge a centuries-old vampire? How dare the one person Carmilla ever loved leave her behind?_ She knew was being stupid and jealous and irrational, but in that moment, none of that mattered, and the vampire whirled around four feet before her bedroom door, fangs bared.  
Laura stopped dead in her tracks, her once rosy cheeks paper-white. “Carmilla,” she said, almost a whisper.  
“Get the hell away from me,” she snarled, feeling her heart pound.  
Taking a few steps back, the other woman held up her hands. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn’t realize Danny was-"  
At the sound of her name, Carmilla lunged forward, anger-clouded eyes focused on the soft, warm skin of Laura’s neck.

-ooo-

“Hi. We have a reservation under Lola Perry.” After a lengthy train ride, LaFontaine and Perry found themselves at a small but clean hotel close to Austria’s border. The first ingredient for their “potion" was a certain type of plant fatal to vampires, but the pair would need daylight to properly hunt for it, and given the late hour, they had opted to wait until the following morning.

Smiling and handing them the keys, the check-in assistant directed them to the room. It was small but bright, with two twin beds placed side by side.  
Flopping onto their bed, LaFontaine sighed. “God. Traveling makes me so tired."  
Perry, on the other hand, was stiff as she placed her bag atop the desk in the corner. “I strongly disagree with this motel’s statement of 'cleanliness’. It looks like a dust bunny threw up in here."  
LaFontaine laughed, leaning back on an admittedly limp pillow. “It’s not that bad,” they countered, gesturing at the walls. “Remember that time somebody snuck a bunny into their dorm, and it managed to poop all over the walls and floor?"  
A small smile crept across Perry’s features as she took a tentative seat atop the bedspread. “Or the time a freshman got her head stuck in the drywall."  
“And we had to cover her neck in vegetable oil just to slip her free?"  
“That was hilarious!” Perry laughed, swinging her legs onto the bed.  
“Oh and remember that time someone managed to set their carpet on fire?"  
“And you wanted to let it burn to study the effects of mouthwash on the flame?"  
Laf chuckled. “I did, didn’t I?"  
“You most certainly did."  
The pair sat in silence for a moment, smiling at the shared memories.  
Then, “Perry, I’m sorry."  
“What do you mean, sorry?"  
LaFontaine took a deep breath. “I know you’re mad at me for putting JP into Wills’s body. It was dangerous and stupid. But you know me - if it’s crazy, I’ve got it to at least try it."  
Perry sighed. “You don’t get it, do you?"  
“Get what?"  
“You don’t understand why I was so mad at you."  
Laf’s face screwed up in confusion. “What do you mean? I essentially brought JP back from the dead and put him into a vampire’s body. It’s not normal, so you’re mad."  
The ginger-haired woman laughed sadly, running her fingers through her hair. “It’s not about being normal. It’s about you, LaFontaine. I _care_ about you. And every time you do stuff like this, it scares me to death, because I’m worried that one day you’ll go too far. I’m worried one day you’ll try something too crazy,” tears started to fall, and she wiped them away, “and I’ll lose you. I can’t lose you.” She was crying in earnest now, and LaFontaine was stunned at the revelation. In all their years as friends, Perry had never been this open about her emotions. She always kept them bottled up, never wishing to bother anyone with her feelings. They felt tears wet their own cheeks, thinking about how terrified she must have bean those time they had disappeared for days on end for experiments. Or when they had tried to extract lethal chemicals from even more lethal plants.  
“Per,” they whispered, moving to sit next to her quaking form and brushing her hair from her face. “I’m sorry, Per. I didn’t know you cared this much."  
“Of course I care Susan!” Perry nearly yelled. LaFontaine cringed at the use of their first name. “I’ve cared about you since the day we met!"  
“Per-"  
The other woman shook her head. “No, you don’t get it.” She took a deep breath. “I worry about you because I love you, LaFontaine, and I cannot bear the thought of losing you."  
There was a pause before LaFontaine wrapped Perry in a massive hug, whispering, “I love you too, Per."

-ooo-

“CARMILLA! NO! PLEASE!” Laura screeched as the vampire pounced on her, sharp fangs piercing her soft skin. Carmilla’s hands were like a vice, holding in her place while she drank from the smaller woman. Her blood was sweet, just as she remembered it. She drank until Laura fell to the floor, alive but unconscious. Blood dripping from her chin, she darted into her room, where she immediately collapsed, falling into a very deep sleep.

-ooo-

Perry’s boot squelched in the mud, and her nose crinkled as she smelled the rotting woodland around her. “What did you say it looked like again?” she inquired, turning to LaFontaine.

“Purple, with black flowers."  
Gaze searching the soft forest floor, a bright purple plant caught her eye. Plucking it from the ground, she held it aloft for her ginger friend to see. “Is this it?"  
“Yeah!” they exclaimed, holding out a plastic bag for her to drop it in.  
“So, where to next?"  
“Next, we get on a train to a mountain just east of us. There are some crystals practically calling out names.”  
Perry rolled her eyes. “Well, we better get moving. After all, we wouldn’t want to keep the crystals waiting."

-ooo-

Carmilla awoke with a pounding headache and blood crusted on her lips.  
Glancing at the clock, she saw it was just past 5 o’clock in the morning. Laura would be awake soon making breakfast. Suddenly, her sleepy morning haze was shattered. _Laura_. Sleep had cleared her mind, and she felt the blood rush from her skin as she remembered sinking her teeth into the other woman and watching her lifeless body fall to the floor.  
Throwing off the covers that had tangled themselves around her legs, Carmilla sprinted into the hallway and nearly screamed when she saw Laura lying on the floor, head resting in a pool of blood.  
“Laura!” she yelled, running and dropping to her knees beside her. The smaller woman was surrounded by blood, and looking closely, Carmilla saw a massive gash on her neck, much larger than the two puncture wounds that were typical of a vampire bite. Carmilla had been violent, though she barely remembered what she had done. There were also bruises on Laura’s arms from Carmilla’s fingers holding her too tightly.  
Fingers flying to the other side of Laura’s neck, she felt for a pulse. She didn’t know what she would have done if Laura was dead - it would have completely destroyed her. To her immense relief, she felt a weak pulse beneath Laura’s skin. Her heart was still beating.  
That was her Laura. The smaller woman had spent the entire night bleeding out from a major artery, but she was still there; still fighting.  
Scooping Laura into her arms, the brunette carried her into the bathroom, placing her gently into the clawfoot tub in the middle of the room. Before she could do anything, she had to clean Laura up. Her hair was crusted with blood, and her clothes were torn and stained.  
Stripping her down, Carmilla ran a bath, making sure the water was the perfect temperature.  
Her touch was soft and loving as she used a porcelain glass to pour water through Laura’s hair, tinting the water a light pink. Taking a sponge from the counter, she used it to clean the other woman’s wound, grimacing as she took a closer look at the gash. _This was her fault_. She was so angry at herself. If she had just held it together, this wouldn’t have happened. Laura wouldn’t be in a bathtub of her own blood, fighting to stay alive.  
When she was clean, Carmilla lifted her out of the tub, wrapping he in a soft white towel. Laying the other woman’s head on her lap, she stroked her honey-blonde hair as she wrapped fresh gauze around her neck. Though the bleeding had mostly stopped, dots of red bloomed beneath the snowy white fabric.  
“Laura,” she whispered, attempting to rouse her. “Laura, wake up."  
After a few seconds, her eyes fluttered open, dazed from blood loss. Her vision was blurry, but when Carmilla’s face swam into focus, she jerked awake, holding the towel to her chest. She sat up, moving as far away from Carmilla as possible.  
“Get away from me!” she shouted, eyes wide with fear.  
Tears sprung to Carmilla’s eyes at Laura’s horror. All this time, she had been trying to prove that she wasn’t a monster, but inevitably, she had messed up, and brought everything crashing down. “Laura, please,” she said pleadingly, holding out her hands.  
“No! I said get away from me! You’re a monster!"  
“Laura! I need you to calm down. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you."  
“Then why the hell do I have this!” she shouted in reply, flipping her hair to one side to reveal her wound.  
“I am so sorry, Laura. This is all my fault.” She took a deep breath. “Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always had problems with anger. There are times when it got so bad I couldn’t think. I used to lash out, and when I became a vampire it got worse. Hearing you talk… talk about Danny, made me so, angry. It was stupid and jealous but I couldn’t help it.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I tried so hard to keep it under control. but after a certain point, I can’t be stopped. I lashed out again and somebody got hurt. God, I’m terrible. I am so sorry."  
Recovering from the initial shock, Laura inched back to her original position, save the head-in-Carmilla’s-lap component. “You’re not terrible, Carmilla."  
Hearing Laura’s words flooded Carmilla with warmth, and suddenly, her hard exterior was gone, revealing the softest, most vulnerable parts of herself as she whispered, “I’m not?"  
Laura smiled, placing a hand on the brunette’s arm. “No. And I forgive you. I shouldn’t have pressed you like that."  
“Don’t you dare apologize,” Carmilla replied, tone serious. “This was my fault. You’ve always had a habit of blaming yourself for everything. Not today."  
Laura nodded, standing up and inspecting her clean skin, then glancing at Carmilla’s disheveled appearance. “Okay. Since you were kind enough to rinse me off, why don’t I draw you a bath?” Carmilla smiled at her tone. It was calm and direct, one the other woman often employed with children. However, in the past, Laura had used it with Carmilla when everything became too much and she couldn’t breathe. She would oscillate between furious and distraught, and Laura would be the only one to soothe her, with a clear voice and soft words.  
The brunette nodded, letting Laura fill the tub with hot water and leave her to slip into the warmth. Feeling the smell of lavender soap surround her, she leaned back in the tub, closing her eyes. Everything was calm, that was until a certain tall, ginger woman came bounding up the stairs, a still towel-clad Laura on her heels.  
“Danny! Leave her alone!” she yelled.  
“No fucking way, Laura. I need to know what the hell she did to you!"  
Within seconds, Danny burst into the bathroom, and Carmilla’s eyes flew open. In milliseconds, she was out of the tub with a towel wrapped tightly around her.  
“What the hell Xena!” she exclaimed, eyes wide.  
“Well, I came to tell you something, but I saw the massacre on Laura’s neck and came to see what you’d done!"  
“Danny!” Laura yelled, taking in Carmilla’s expression. It was obvious she had never shared her anger issues with anybody but Laura, and was desperate to keep it that way. The ginger whirled around, facing her small friend, who authoritatively placed her hands on her hips. “Leave Carmilla alone. We were out of blood bags last night and she was desperately hungry. I let her drink some of my blood, but while she was feeding, she slipped. Her fangs made the cut.” Laura knew it was a bit far-fetched; Danny did too, but she decided not to press the issue. She turned back to Carmilla, who was frozen in place.  
“I came to tell you that something bad has happened - _really_ bad. People are getting sick, and we think it’s killing them."


	5. Chapter 5

 

"LaFontaine! Stop this instant, to I swear I'll-" Perry was silenced when another snowball hit her square in the face, and she whirled around, midway between a laugh and a scolding remark. She saw Laf duck behind their homemade "fort", and moments later, another snowball flew towards her, this time just grazing her winter jacket. "You _do_ realize we actually have things to do today, right? These chestnuts aren't going to pick themselves." Laf emerged from their hiding place, cheeks pink from the cold and a smile on their face. 

"Come on," they replied, shaking the white flakes from their ginger hair. "You know you love it. We used to play this all the time when we were kids. 

Remembering the hours the pair used to spend frolicking in the snowbanks as children, Perry smiled nostalgically, and spurred on by the recollection, bent down, mounded together a snowball, and chucked it straight at LaFontaine's face, who blinked in surprise. Perry simply stared at them, hands on her hips with an expression that said "what are you going to do about it?". 

LaFontaine stared back, and they stared each other down until Perry bent over and launched another snowball at her best friend. Wiping the slush from their face, they yelled with mock anger, " _This, means, waaaaarrr_!" 

-ooo- 

"Laura, I'd like you to meet Katherine." Laura smiled and shook the girl's hand, taking in her barely five-foot frame, which was sporting black leggings and a Silas University sweater that was entirely too big for her tiny figure. Her wavy dark brown hair cascaded to her lower back, and when she moved, her pink highlights popped against the dark background. 

Katherine was LaFontaine's lab partner, who's intelligence rivalled that of her mad-scientist friend. The pint-sized genius had joined Laura and Danny as they dutifully patrolled Silas, tending to the growing amount of students who were falling ill from the compound that had been released upon the campus. In the four days since the original outbreak, Katherine had identified the virus as a man-made strain that was originally injected into victims before becoming airborne. The symptoms were flu-like and lasted approximately three days before sufferers "died" for a few seconds. Essentially, their hearts stopped, and they were momentarily dead before their hearts began pumping again and they returned to normal. At that point, she had discovered no adverse affect of the virus, but everyone agreed it was best to put a stop to it before they found out how it could negatively affect someone. 

Katherine smiled and returned the gesture, glancing at Danny, who was scrolling through the increasing amount of text messages appearing on her phone. She had told students to notify her of anybody who became ill, and the numbers were alarming. The student body had already been cut in half by the brutal battle, and halved again when the buses from Graz had come to take away as many survivors as possible. There were barely any students who weren't or hadn't been ill, and with the long-term effects of the disease still unknown, anxiety ran rampant as everyone frantically tried to put a stop to the spread. 

"Okay," Laura began, looking around the rather decrepit campus. "Where are we headed today?" 

"South building," Danny replied, eyes still glued to her phone. "A bunch of girls got sick and all of their roommates got spots on the busses. They need help gathering supplies to take care of each other." 

Laura and Katherine nodded, and the group made their way across the quad, stepping over broken bricks and dodging around steaming craters. When they reached the dorm, the girls were waiting, huddled together under several blankets, yet somehow still shivering. 

"Thank god you're here," one of the girls sighed upon their arrival, her gaunt features breaking into a smile. 

"Our pleasure," Katherine replied cordially, handing her some food. The girl smiled, returning back to her room. 

For the rest of the day, the group moved around campus, helping out everyone that they could. As a precaution, Katherine made them all wear masks, but the worry still lingered in the back of Laura's mind. _What would happen_ to her _?_ She tried to push it out of her head, focusing on the task at hand, but every so often, it would creep out of the shadows, the image of her gaunt reflection haunting her every time she closed her eyes. But what was even more worrisome was the image of Carmilla that often worked its way into her nightmares, her already pale skin ghostly white and clammy, and those second of pure terror when her entire body went still. 

-ooo- 

As the sun was coming down, Laura, Danny, and Katherine made their way back towards Laura's apartment, bidding each other farewell for the night. Clicking her key into the lock, Laura pushed open the creaking door. "Carmilla!" she called. "I'm home!" With no reply, she stepped further into the apartment, shrugging off her jacket and placing it on a hook. "Carmilla!" she repeated. Again, no reply. 

She jumped when there was a weak call from the second floor. "Laura," came Carmilla's hoarse voice, barely audible. 

"What's wrong?" Kicking off her shoes, Laura raced up the stairs, checking in every room until she found the brunette. Her heart nearly stopped when she found Carmilla curled up on the porcelain tile of the bathroom floor, fingers grasping the side of the toilet bowl, and skin paper white. "Carmilla!" she yelled, rushing to her side. "What happened?" The brunette turned to her to reply, but quickly whipped back around and vomited again, her entire body convulsing as she retched. Laura rubbed her back, her worst fears confirmed when she felt Carmilla's ice-cold skin. The brunette has caught the virus, and her being the first vampire they had delt with, she had no idea how she would react. All that was left to do was take care of her. "Do you think you'll be okay for a minute?" she asked softly and Carmilla nodded, attempting to draw herself up into a proper sitting position. 

Laura rose, running to grab supplies. She'd been dealing with hundreds of sick students over the past few days, and not three minutes had passed before she returned. Wrapping a blanket around Carmilla's shoulders, she attempted to reach under Carmilla's knees to pick her up, but the vampire pushed her away. 

"I can _walk_ , creampuff." 

Laura couldn't help but smile at her unrelenting independence, but backed off as she pulled herself into a standing position. Footsteps wobbly, she allowed herself to lean on the smaller woman as she helped her down to the couch, where she immediately collapsed, pulling the blanket that had hung over her close to her body. 

Laura sat down next to her, letting her fingers run through the other woman's hair, feeling the soft locks beneath her fingertips. 

The pair sat silently silence for a long time, and after a while, Carmilla's eyes fluttered shut, her breath slowing to an even rhythm. Trying to be as silent as possible, Laura rose from her perch atop the couch, but as she stood up, she felt fingers clench tightly around her wrist. 

"Please," Carmilla whispered, eyes still shut, "stay." 

Laura knew she was probably delusional - another symptom of the virus - but she couldn't help but lie back down, letting Carmilla's arms snake around her as she pressed against the brunette. 

"Don't leave me," she whispered, holding the honey-blonde tight. 

"Never," she murmured, snuggling closer. Eventually, she too drifted into sleep. 

-ooo- 

" _Coming up next, we discuss next week's festivities, and how locals are preparing for the influx of tourists sure to arrive in the city within the next few days._ " Laura looked up from her novel, glancing at the news anchor, who was emphatically reporting an upcoming holiday in Austria, one of which Laura had never even been aware up until that moment. She listened intently as he spoke about the details of the three-day holiday, and what it would mean for people living in the areas closest to the celebration. 

Carmilla slept beside her, a half-finished bowl of soup and deceptively cutesy vomit trashcan sitting beside her on the floor. Laura had been sitting with her all day, despite her claims that she could take care of herself. Danny and Katherine were empathetic, and agreed to cover her for a couple days, and given that Carmilla could barely stand up without being overcome by waves of nausea, Laura thought it best she spend the day with the brunette, watching her as she drifted in and out of sleep and enjoying a pleasant afternoon of hot cocoa and the news. The room was so quiet, and it soothed her, knowing there was no crisis that day - that it was just her and Carmilla. Granted, the other woman wasn't in the greatest shape, but just the knowledge that she would soon recover was enough for Laura, and she was perfectly content to sit in the silence, listening to the low murmur of the television and absentmindedly play with Carmilla's dark hair.

 

By the third day, Carmilla was showing signs of improvement. She was walking around the apartment, and due to the fact that she could now actually stomach blood, feeling a lot stronger. However, she was still overcome with bouts of shivers and nausea from time to time, which meant she often spent several hours with her head in Laura's lap and her eyes closed, waiting for the feeling to pass. 

In truth, the fact that she was cuddling with her ex who didn't actually remember her didn't particularly faze the brunette. She knew it should have bothered her, but with this new version of Laura, she felt comfortable. All of their tragic past was gone, and they could start from scratch, the prospect of having to kidnap Laura for her mother's sadistic ritual no longer hanging over her. Their relationship was pure, unfettered affection, and despite the fact that Carmilla knew that it wasn't real; knew that it would have to come to an end, she let herself enjoy those few moments that she could've had if everything hadn't gotten so screwed up. 

Over the next day, Carmilla continued to improve until she was almost fully recovered. However, knowing that Carmilla may collapse at any time, Laura had her lying down for the majority of the day, and the pair basically spent the afternoon waiting for Carmilla to collapse. However, it wasn't until the morning of the fourth day of her illness that she finally took a turn for the worse. The sun had just begun to crest the horizon when Carmilla began to shake violently, her skin becoming clammy and cold, before going completely still. In those few moments, Laura felt her heart slow to a crawl. Everything was in slow motion, only regaining its pace when Carmilla's eyes fluttered open. 

"L-laura?" she whispered, voice hoarse. Laura grabbed her hand, holding it tight. 

"I'm right here Carm. I'm right here." Carmilla gasped. It was the first time Laura had used the nickname since returning to Austria. She watched as Laura hovered over her, brushing back a lock of stray hair and placing a hand on her forehead, which was returning to a normal temperature. She noticed her big brown eyes, which were filled with concern. At such a close distance, she could see Laura's soft skin, the way her soft hair fell in front of her face. She reached up to push it back, fingers grazing Laura's cheek. 

Then, she grabbed Laura's collar and pulled her into a deep kiss.   
Laura made a sound of surprise, but her lips moved instinctively against the brunette's, fingers tangling in her hair. The world was silent, and it was just the two of them, wrapped up together in-   
"Laura! We need your help!" Danny's voice rang throughout the apartment, and Laura jumped backwards so fast Carmilla was surprised she didn't get whiplash. 

"Yeah! We're in the living room," she called back, tucking her hair behind her ear and smoothing down her shirt. 

Danny and Katherine came charging into the room, appearances yet to be disheveled by the taxing day that lay ahead. Entering the room, Danny noticed Carmilla laying on the couch. 

"Hey," she said, acknowledging the brunette. "You feeling better?" Carmilla nodded stiffly in reply. "Okay then," she continued, turning to address Laura. "We've had a huge wave of sick students. We need your help distributing supplies."   
The smaller woman gave a small smile. She didn't particularly want to leave Carmilla alone, but she knew Danny wouldn't come to her if she didn't _really_ need it. "Yeah, of course. Let me just hop in the shower."   
Danny nodded, letting her pass. However, she only made it a couple feet out the doorway when Carmilla called her name. "Laura, I think something's wrong."   
Turning on her heel, Laura turned to face her. "What is it?"   
Carmilla beckoned for her to come closer, and she leaned towards her as she said, "I think something's wrong with me."   
"What's wrong? Are you feeling dizzy, because that's fairly common with students-"   
"No, I - I think I'm hungry."   
A vampire? Hungry? The concern on Carmilla's face mirrored Laura's emotions, and without taking her eyes off the brunette, she called to Danny and Katherine. "Hey, could you guys get me something out of the fridge? Cookies, apples, anything."   
Katherine dashed into the kitchen without question, returning with a large, red apple. She handed the Carmilla the food, and for the first time in centuries, she scarfed it down in seconds.   
"Laura…" Carmilla said slowly. "Why am I hungry? Vampires don't get hungry." Her fingers flew to her mouth, feeling around for her fangs. She went white as a sheet, darting towards the fridge Katherine had just pushed shut. Rummaging through the food, she grabbed a bag of blood, taking a huge slurp. She immediately whirled around and coughed it into the sink, grabbing a glass of water to rinse her mouth.   
Turning back towards the living room, she stared at Laura in disbelief before yelling at Danny and Katherine, "GET OUT!" If she was going to cry, she wasn't about to do it in front of Xena and her fucking sidekick.   
The pair didn't need to be told twice, and quickly made their exit. Carmilla's eyes brimmed with tears, and all she could whisper was, "Laura," before collapsing into sobs. Laura immediately rose, crossing the room in three strides to wrap her arms around the brunette. Her entire body shook as she howled into the smaller woman's chest. 

"Shhhh," she said softly, attempting to calm the other woman, "Shhhh you're going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine." She smoothed Carmilla's wild hair, lifting her chin so that they were eye to eye. Tears continued to flow, and Carmilla sniffed as Laura said, "Listen to me. You are going to be okay. I know this is a shock. You haven't been human in a long time, so this will take some time to get used to, but you can do it." She grabbed Carmilla's hand. " _We_ can do it, got it?" She was using that tone again - the one that never failed to soothe the brunette. Her breathing slowed its rapid pace, and she managed a weak nod. Laura hesitated for a moment before giving Carmilla a soft kiss, and they melted into each other's touch, revelling in the warmth. "Okay," Laura said when they finally broke apart. "I'm going to go help Danny. Will you be okay?" 

The brunette gave a choked laugh. "I'm not a child cupcake." 

Laura chuckled and gave Carmilla another quick kiss before walking out the door to find Danny and Katherine, who were waiting just outside.   
"How is she?" Danny inquired.   
"Coping."   
Sensing Laura's worry, Danny pulled her into a tight hug, ginger hair brushing her cheek. When she released her, Laura smiled. "Thanks. Now, where are headed?"   
"We've had a change of plans," Katherine replied.   
"What are we doing then?" 

"We're finding every single vampire at Silas, and we're going to see if Carmilla isn't the only one."

 


	6. Chapter 6

“Okay… thanks so much… yes, I understand… okay then, bye.” Danny hung up the phone, looking grim as she turned to Laura, who was perched apprehensively atop a chunk of concrete. “I just spoke with Rebekah,” she said. "She’s friends with most of the floor dons and had them all ask around. Every single vampire Carmilla turned, as well as the ones they turned, are all humans. Whoever did this - released the compound - obviously wanted to neutralize vampires."

“We don’t know that for sure,” piped up Katherine, ever the meticulous scientist. “We don’t have definitive proof."

“But we could hypothesize?” replied Laura. She knew how Katherine worked - she and Laf were kindred spirits.

“Yes, we could hypothesize that the intention of the compound was to neutralize vampires by turning them into humans."

“Speaking of…” Danny said, fidgeting with her jacket. “How’s Carmilla doing?"

“She - she’s coping as best she can.” Laura focused on the ground, kicking at a stray piece of rubble. 

Since her transformation a few days prior, Carmilla had been dealing with the situation the best way she knew. She hardly left the house, preferring to continue with her old pastimes of lounging on the couch and reading, as well occasionally attending her philosophy classes. She did her best to act disaffected, but as Laura got ready for bed each night, she could hear the faint sniffs of Carmilla sobbing under the covers. She never said anything about it, and had always cleaned herself up by morning. Ever since the kiss, the air had been thick between them, and Laura had taken to sleeping on the couch. Whenever she tried to touch or comfort Carmilla, the other woman would always shrug her off, avoiding eye contact. Also, if the amount of bottles in the recycling was any indication, isolation wasn’t the only way Carmilla was coping, though up to that point, Laura had never seen her completely intoxicated. Overall, Carmilla had been dealing with her transformation the same way she seemed to deal with everything else in her life: by shutting everybody out; losing herself in the words of poets long departed and in liquids kept nearly as long.

Danny saw the tears brimming in Laura’s eyes, and decided to change the subject. “Well, we do have some good news. Laf called this morning and said they would be home in a bit, so we can expect them to arrive in about an hour and get your memories back."

Right. Her memories. With everything that had happened, she had nearly forgotten that there was this whole part of her life that had been taken from her. She had forgotten that she hadn’t just become friends with Danny a few weeks prior. She had forgotten that LaFontaine and Perry had apparently been her best friends. She had forgotten that she had Carmilla had all of this history that the brunette carried with her every time they spoke. Carmilla had known the old Laura, and shared moments with the her that she didn’t remember. Soon, she would have those precious memories back, and everything would change.

-ooo-

The sun had set on yet another day when Laura’s keys jingled into the lock on the apartment door. When she entered, she saw all the blinds had been drawn, the only light a soft glow from behind the kitchen curtains. “Carmilla!” Laura called, “I’m home!” As was the usual most days, there was no reply, and Laura sighed softly she slid off her shoes and moved into the kitchen, where sure enough, Carmilla was sitting at the kitchen table with a book in one hand and a glass of Scotch in the other. “Carmilla,” she tried again, opening the fridge. “How was your day?"

Eyes still on her novel, she replied, “You don’t have to check up on me everyday creampuff. I’m fine."

Laura could feel the fatigue that usually settled over her at the end of each day beginning to take root as she sat down across from the brunette, taking a sip of water. “You weren’t up when I left this morning. I was worried about you.” That’s what their relationship had become. Laura was always watching - always checking to make sure Carmilla got out of bed and ate enough and took care of herself as a human. It was physically and mentally exhausting, but she couldn’t help but care about this stupid girl she had only met a few weeks prior.

“I am fine, cutie. Now if you’d leave me the hell alone, I have a chapter to finish."

Laura was persistent though. “Have you had anything to eat today? Have you showered?” She knew Carmilla was becoming irritated, but she wasn’t about to watch the other woman fade away before her eyes.

“Laura, if you do not leave me alone, bad things will happen."

“Carmilla, I’m trying to help."

“I don’t _care_ , now go away before you get hurt,"

Now she was treading a very thin line. “You’re human Carm. You need to take care of yourself."

“Would you stop fucking reminding me?” Carmilla gritted her teeth, her voice nearly a growl.

“I have to remind you or you’ll never take of yourself! I can’t watch you waste away like this, burying yourself under books and alcohol!"

Carmilla stood up violently, pushing the table forward into Laura. “STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! You don’t get it! You don’t understand how it is for me! I have been a vampire for thousands of years -  and to have all of that stripped from me - you don’t understand what it means to me. My sister and brother will grow older without me. I will see all the friends I’ve made over the centuries fade from my vision as I die, and I’ll be left with is someone who barely even knows me."

The tears that had been waiting so long to be spilled began to fall as the exhaustion took over, and Laura cried as she replied, “You don’t think this is hard for me? Three weeks ago, I was happy and safe! I was preparing to head to college. Now, I’m in the middle of a war zone taking care of some girl I barely know, who I’m not sure if I have feelings for! I‘m constantly playing catchup, trying to fill the holes in my memory with people who always know more than me! You’re not the only one who’s suffering, okay?"

Suddenly, Carmilla’s furious expression calmed, and she nearly whispered,”You have feelings for me? After all of this?"

Laura let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. “I don’t know. Somedays I feel like maybe it could work, but then I remember all of the past you carry around with you - memories that I don’t have - and I know that no relationship can work if one person doesn’t have all of the information."

The pair stood silently for a moment, staring at each other. Then, Carmilla said, “I’m sorry.” It was the first time she had apologized (and meant it) for anything in decades. “I forgot about how you must be feeling."

Laura sighed. “It’s okay.” She paused for a minute before closing the distance between them and gingerly wrapping her arms around the other woman. She breathed in Carmilla’s scent, letting it calm her. Carmilla stood stiffly for a moment before she relaxed under Laura’s touch. There was a moment of stillness before a sharp knock broke the silence.

From behind the front door, they heard Danny yell, “Laura! LaFontaine and Perry are back. They brought the antidote!” Laura immediately broke from the embrace, leaving Carmilla cold as she flew around the room, throwing open the musty curtains and tossing away the especially disgusting dishes. 

“I’m coming!” she cried before running towards the door and flinging it open. LaFontaine and Perry smiled as they entered the apartment, Perry’s nose crinkling at the rather pungent odour of the room. Carmilla stood in the kitchen, watching from the shadows as Danny, Laf, and Perry took a seat on the couch. LaFontaine took out their backpack, pulling out a vial containing a greenish-blue liquid with the consistency of honey. 

“This is it,” they declared, handing it to Laura. “You would not believe the places we had to go to get some of those ingredients.” Perry laughed at the memory, her cold cheeks flooding with colour.

Carmilla wondered what exactly had happened up in those mountains. 

Laura’s hands shook as she took the bottle, and Carmilla couldn’t help but move into the room, leaning heavily against the doorway.

“Well, here goes nothing,” she said before tipping back the vial, downing the liquid. She coughed, and at first, nothing happened. Then, she saw herself at eighteen, standing at the gates of Silas University. She saw herself shaking hands with Betty. She saw the flash of dark hair and leather as Carmilla sauntered into her room. She felt the sting of cuts sustained through several (admittedly unwise) crusades. She remembered the way Carmilla’s hands felt as they touched her face; the way her lips felt against her own. She remembered the way she had cried the night she wrote that later, and how she had tucked it beneath Carmilla’s pillow. She remembered Mattie… and then she remembered nothing.

When her vision cleared, she looked around the room, registering Danny, LaFontaine, and Perry’s concerned expressions. 

Then she noticed Carmilla. 

All she could manage to stutter out, was “C-Carmilla? What’s going on? What happened?"

Without saying anything, Carmilla crossed the room in three strides before pulling Laura into a huge hug. She buried her head in Laura’s neck, taking a deep breath of the familiar scent. 

“Laura,” she whispered. "You’re back. You’re safe.” In that moment, she didn’t care who was in the room. She didn’t care that both Laf and Perry looked uncomfortable, or that Danny was subtly staring daggers at her. All she cared about was Laura was herself again. 

When she finally released her, Laura blinked in confusion. “Carm, where am I? What happened?” 

The pair sat down on the couch, and everybody followed suit, all staring at Laura as she looked around the familiar room.

There was a moment of silence before LaFontaine asked, “What’s the last thing you remember, Laura?"

“I-I remember walking out to the parking lot, carrying my things. And then I saw Mattie. She came up to me and started talking about how I would forget about Carmilla and Silas. And then… nothing.” She thought about the letter, and how the tears had brimmed in her eyes as she walked towards the exit. “Oh, God, Carmilla, I am so, so sorry. I should have never written that letter. It was such a mistake. I just thought - I thought the maybe if you stopped doing things for me, you would start doing more for yourself. I thought that in order to love yourself, you needed to stop loving me. God, I was so stupid."

Carmilla held her tight, tears spilling down her own cheeks. “It’s fine cupcake - I understand. Life’s too short to hold grudges."

Laura took a step back, wiping away her tears. Her faced scrunched up with confusion as she asked, “What do you mean life’s too short?” She laughed a little. “You’re a vampire silly."

Everybody took a collective breath as Carmilla replied, “There're a few things you should know."

 


End file.
